To tell or not to tell.
That is often the question on many women's minds when they find out they are pregnant.
On one hand you are excited, nervous, and desperate to share the catalogue of emotions that are bursting inside.
On the other, there is the age-old tradition to hide it away until you are clear of the uncertainty of the first 12 weeks (though how you truly achieve secrecy amidst all the morning sickness, fatigue and fainting of those early weeks I've never completely understood!)
And of course to confuse and overload you even more, as with everything pregnancy/parenting related, there is myriad articles and well meaning people who are too quick to tell you what the 'right' thing to do is.
Now I've been faced with that predicament several times now, sometimes ending in a beautiful bouncing baby, and sometimes not. And during those 'sometimes not' times I've questioned, as I'm sure many other women have done, whether the heartache would be any easier to endure if I wasn't doing it so completely alone?
Yes, colleagues and friends might initially put their foot in it with over-zealous pregnancy comments, but at least you'd then get the space and support so desperately needed at such a difficult time. However, would facing all the subsequent questions and awkward silences mean you are better off with nobody knowing?
Miscarriage is suffered by an estimated 50,000 women every year in Australia, often in almost complete silence. This intangible grief is processed with no acknowledgement from your day to day circle, leaving it all feeling somewhat trivialised. You carry on pretending to the world that nothing out of the ordinary has happened today, just return to your desk and field the suddenly meaningless daily demands, whilst your head is screaming 'my baby has gone, does nobody care?'
Of course they care, they just don't know.
Unfortunately even after seeing things from both sides, I still don't know the answer.
There were moments when I wanted to scream it from the rooftops, just to be given a moment to acknowledge my loss and behave in a way any grieving person has the right to.
To be able to broadcast it a step ahead of your every move, so to safely avoid situations such as a large 'tell everyone we are pregnant' dinner party on the day of a miscarriage (yep, that did happen, as did running out of the room in tears!)
Other moments I was so glad nobody knew, because any pregnancy related question would have torn me in two if I had to explain it was now a 'sometimes not'.
What are your thoughts?
Did you tell people early only to sadly miscarry?
Or did you purposely keep your pregnancy quiet until after 12 weeks?
Find me and all the comments, at birth.com.au
