Girls can't drive trucks!

It's a typical Monday morning and my three year old son, Hamish* and I, are heading out to do our weekly grocery shop.

Yet, when I discover my husband’s truck is blocking the driveway and I go to move it out of the way, I’m immediately shot down by a small voice behind me shouting “Mummy, girls can’t drive trucks!” And it seems this opinion is utterly unchangeable, judging by the tantrum that develops when I continue into the cab!

Once the drama was over and we are happily ensconced in my little Mazda, I try and tackle the discussion of why he has this opinion.

I begin by explaining that despite their physical differences, a girls driving ability is equal (some would argue better?!) to a boys, and anyone can drive any vehicle, regardless of gender.

But as the conversation progresses, I quickly learn that this absolute opinion he holds isn’t confined to driving trucks, but also applies to a whole host of other activities that girls can’t do - mowing the lawn, using power tools and climbing ladders – to name a few.

Every day I watch in fascination as Hamish tries to make sense of the world by establishing a rule for almost everything that crosses his path. But what are all the influences that drive children to reach these conclusions, and at which point are they irreversibly set in stone?

Are gender expectations simply part of our culture?

Through a study of our immediate world for a week, I became increasingly conscious of the amount of everyday gender traditions we simply accept as normal:

·       All the bin trucks and haulage trucks we passed – driven by men

·       The diggers and heavy machinery on the building sites – again, all operated by men

·       The grass at the oval – mowed by a man

·       Shop assistants – all women

·       Carers at preschool – all women

And though I realise that employment in many roles are traditionally gender split because of personal preference (I could drive a bin truck if I wanted to, just as my husband could be a pre-school teacher), I am starting to understand where Hamish’s theory originated.

The difference is, he interprets this lack of girl participation in traditionally male roles as a definitive rule, not a choice – in his mind if you could drive these vehicles, surely you would?!

The domestic roles in our house tend to be traditionally split by gender too, it works for us whilst we are renovating and I’m pregnant – my husband fixes and builds, whilst I cook and clean (though I was pretty handy with an angle grinder in my pre-pregnancy days!)

But how do we explain that gender roles can be reversed, it’s just that in our busy worlds, we still instead tend to still follow traditional gender roles?

Nature or nurture?

Whether it’s the environment we create, or something we are born with, the nature/nurture argument has been hotly debated for decades, and is not a straightforward one to resolve.

A stock-take of Hamish’s favourite toys shows he has the usual mix of gender-neutral things like teddies, Playdough, Lego, puzzles, and slightly boyish ones such as matchbox cars, a play garage and the much loved plastic dinosaurs.

There is certainly no guns, shooting, fighting or violence of any kind, but also no dress-ups, dolls or tea-sets either.

I’m unsure whether we bought the boyish toys because he showed interest, or he showed interest because we sub-consciously bought boy things in the first place. But it is certainly our nurture influence that there are no girly toys in the mix.

What I am also sure of, however, is that amidst any toys, he has a natural tendency to give most gender-neutral games a boy-ish orientation – from teddies speeding around sofa-cushion racetracks, to car crash carnage built from Lego. 

The influence of preschool and peers?

Without doubt, time at pre-school has certainly had a major influence on Hamish’s evolving expectations of gender and play. From statement such as ‘girls aren’t my friends’, to excuses such as ‘but Robin* kills people’ when reprimanded for pretending to shoot me, the preschool environment and which gender children he plays with, already seem to be firmly segregated in his mind.

So it seems there are myriad factors influencing our children’s gender expectations every day, and only some of them are within our control as parents.  What we can do is educate with the examples that are within our control, and hopefully be alert enough to guide through those that are not.

Can girls now drive trucks?

Well, Hamish did eventually accept that girls can indeed climb ladders, drive trucks, and push mowers, just as much as boys can clean, do laundry, and play at princesses. Whether he understood that this means genders are different, but still equal, is yet to be tackled… 

And meanwhile, my repertoire of gender-neutral games is growing by the day – Playdough picnic, anyone?

What influences do you believe mould your child’s opinions?

Have you managed to find a way to raise a gender-neutral child?

What are your thoughts on the gender expectations of today?

*names have been changed

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